on the fifth day

of random shitmas my lover gave:

five onion rings

four rednecks a'rastiln

three granny panties

two beers and mcchickens

and a freddie mercury

i saw the cutest thing in the world today. 

my brother and his partner look after his partners niece most times. my brothers partner posted a doodle of hers today.

it looked like that.

it said HI KURT! in a bubble!

she obviously didn't write it, but it was sooooo adorable,

i barfed a rainbow.

and some butterflies.

and a dolphin.

on the fourth day

of random shitmas my co worker sam gave:

four redneck 'rastlin

three granny panties

two beers and mcchickens

and a freddie mercury

fourth day's idea came from my coworker at vintage warehouse: sam!

he's a really great local musician. check him out sometime. 

last night was my dad's 50TH!

i hope you enjoy you're old man cardigan!

on the third day

of random shitmas my darling katelynn gave:

three granny panties

 two beers and mcchickens

and a freddie mercury

my thanks for tonight's gift go to my adorable friend katelynn.

on another note justin and i watched the new muppet movie that's in theaters right now. if you haven't watched it you need to.......

if you're a muppet of a man.... or a very manly muppet.

on the second day

of random shitmas:

my good friend Taya gave to me

two beers and mcchickens!

and one freddie mercury.

hope the 12 days are treating you well; or at least better than mine.

i've been mega cleaning at work. by that i mean i took out the shelves in a fish cooler and cleaned the copper piping until it was free of the congealed fish fats that had built up. 

i hurt now. 

many thanks to my friend TAYA! for her great idea for day two.

on the first day

of random shitmas, i give to you:


one freddie mercury.

the twelve days of christmas have commenced!

get your elf shoes on cause this year is going to be super sweet!

justin and i put up our tree last weekend. it was beautiful for all of two hours.

most christmas trees are supposed to make you feel magical and have that happy holiday radiance....

ours now looks like this...

keep watch for day two of the 12 merry days of shitmas.

from your favorite elves and their little mongrels. 

there's something evil a foot.

hey pretty people! 

there's been some happ'nins goin down in the b town. 

people (especially the students) have been major league pissy. it must be in the water or something. 

smallwood kids have been coming in the store angrier than usual. 

this one kid came in Saturday and bee-lined it to the coffee, shouting crazily into his iphone. 

smallwood kids are freakin scary.

later that night i was sitting in my jeep waiting for jordan when this car comes creeping up; some monkey hanging out the passenger side.

i understand that it COULD be confusing to SOME people that an old jeep could be driven by a middle aged man that posses a few shotguns and drinks bud light while watching dale earnhart jr make his way around a circle, but i am not a middle aged man and i do not drink bud light.

i should have thrown my three week old burrito at him, but at the time i was dumbfounded by the sight of someone's lost douche bag. 

on another note....

my binge eating reached a terrifying new level Sunday night. 

i made cookies for a staff meeting. 

i made three batches of twelve cookies each.

i ATE twelve cookies and all the leftover batter....

the next day was hell.

i am now on a diet. 

as i am aware of the encroaching holiday season i was thinking of serving up a hot plate of :

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!!

please leave suggestions in the comments for possible items to fill my twelve posts of christmas.  

I'M BACK!

hey guys! i'm back. this is what you've missed:

i've been working full time for the past few months. 32-40 of those hours i spend in the deli pondering the meaning of meats, sandwiches, and human kind's spending habits. 

i spend 6 more hours at vintage warehouse repairing antiques and jewelry. 

despite my lack of free time lately i've been keeping stock of some pretttty fantastic conversations that happen in the world of the bloomingfoods west deli.

one such: 

THE LEGEND OF QUINOA!!!!!

 was thought up by non other than Freddie. 

such stories include:

QUINOA TABOULI once ate an entire watermelon.... by himself.

regular topics of conversation generally include: dinosaurs, zombies, strippers, and the occasional cheesy movie. 

my good friend rachel moved to town. we've been tearin up the music scene. 

among veganism and punk rock covers, rachel enjoys zach braff and taking pictures of my cats. 

...

the cats....

i swear to god churro isn't even of this earth. 

i don't care how adorable and sweet people think she is, she is creepy and has alien eyeballs.

we came home one day and her left eye was super inflamed. i thought she lost her eye. in checking it out i discovered that cats have a third eyelid and it's creepy as all hell. 

hopefully now that i have my shit back together there will be more posts soon!