DIIINOOO DNA!

sorry this has taken so long. i've been busy. 

this post has been in the works for a while beecausssee:

justin and i got married!

yay!

but we want everyone to be able to share a beautiful wedding where your family embarrasses you and your drunk uncle says something inappropriate, so vote for equality kids. 

annnndd we're back. 

back when i was promising this post it was my brother kurt's birthday and around the re-release of Jurassic Park remastered for 3D. as a kid i loved those movies. as an adult they scare the living hell out of me. 

and so for my brothers birthday i thought i would share a stroll down memory lane.

kurt looooovvveeddd jurassic park; almost as much as batman. he had TWO sets of all the action figures associated with the movie. literally everyone i knew became infatuated with dinosaurs when that movie hit HUGE.

i can remember everyone talking about how fucking cool dinosaurs are and that it would be sooo cooooolll if Jurassic Park were real. 

i used to steal my brothers action figures so i could play "dinos" and be cool like him. 

well....

this happened. 

i cried for days. 

i think this may have been my breaking point and for the rest of my life i haven't been able to watch those movies without yelling in horror at the tv.

there is nothing great about newman's fate, other than the irony. 

one day while kurt was at school, or something, our mom decided to mow the lawn. she failed to see a Dr. Ellie Sattler action figure laying in the direct path of the mower. 

her fate was sealed. 

when kurt found her he came in the house screaming. 

ellie's arms were up in a "help me!" sort of state.

it was a truly horrific scene. almost as horrific as the time his rat Lillith broke her tail off in his hand as a defense mechanism. it wiggled. 

HAPPY BIRHTDAY BUB!

also this. 

i couldn't help it. 

recent developments

hey guys! some of you have been asking some things about stuff. 
i will gladly answer any questions you may have about the blog and merchandise (yes merchandise is in the works) at:
 roygbiv.carlson@gmail.com

here are some quick answers. 

Q: why don't you post regularly?
A: swimminginjello was a way for me to continue my delusions of becoming a comic artist. sadly i got a real job. 
also i have an illness that doesn't always allow drawing. 

Q: are you going to have merchandise?
A: we're trying!

Q: are you going to start posting more shorts?
A: i would like to start posting daily short stories or at least a doodle now that we've acquired a wacom tablet! testing of this will commence shortly. 

also a few months ago i announced that swimminginjello was becoming a member of a collective. while we are now working with ravenwood cards we have also been in talks with other local (and not so local) artists about designing tangible objects. if you would like to be part of this please email me (kris) at the above address.

lions are dumb.

muthafuckin breadcrumbs.

sup guys. 

exciting things are afoot! spring has been bringing the promise of warmer weather. 

SHORTY JORTS 2013! whoop whoooopppp!

my buddy jeremy and i were talking about summer related things the other day. he mentioned that he and some friends went camping for spring break. camping in indiana for spring break is about as fulfilling as vacationing in kansas during tornado season. SO MANY THINGS GO WRONG. 

the weather was really nice at first but then a cold snap hit. jeremy told me a really great little story about farting in his sleeping bag all night to keep himself warm. 

it's not camping unless you fart your way to warmth!

later i was thinking about other summery things. one of my personal favorites is to open the windows at night and throw on a planet earth segment. 

after some intense yearnings to watch nature documentaries, i watched a short on the serengeti.

african plain animals are kinda awesome, and REALLY ugly. But something i really have come to note about myself is my growing dislike of lions. Male lions is particular. 

WHY THE HELL ARE THEY CALLED THE KING OF THE JUNGLE?!

they don't even live in the jungle. they live in prickly ass grass with flies swarming their drooling mouths.

and let's be honest... male lions are lazy as shit and have droopy balls.

so maybe you're all "well what is the king of the jungle, asshole?" cause you love lions, and that's dumb. 

I'LL TELL YOU! 

if you were going to make a giant ass deadly cat the "king" of the jungle it should be a tiger. at least they live in the jungle and are known for stealing children from their huts. 

but they're being hunted to near extinction which doesn't exactly scream ruler of all super dangerous and deadly animals. 

my vote for badass jungle animal is the elephant. 

you're probably like "kris, that's the dumbest shit i've ever read." 

but for real the elephant is badass. they have been used as vehicles of mass destruction in wars.

that shit is legit.

you know in a fight your war elephant would be all "fuck your arrows man imma crush the shit out of you!"

war tigers just maul their trainers just like a pissed off shamoo at sea world. some animals can't be trusted man. 

in all reality the real winner would be spiders. 

they're advancing. they eat birds now. 

 

Harshing My Mello.

There are people in this world who have a few bad days every once in a while...

I am not one of them. 

I understand that sometimes unjustifiably bad things happen just because fate decided it was your turn to be the pine scented urinal cake; but fate was a cruel, cheap, and dirty frat bro aiming straight for my little blue disk. 

I had just about one of the worst weeks I think I could have had last week. It was essentially as bad as being a middle aged man at a Justin Bieber concert; or really anyone at a Nickleback concert. 

Wonk. 

It started Monday when a nurse stabbed my vein while taking blood and bruised the hell out of my arm. Justin left town for a few days, and I was preparing for a week of bachelorette like antics that maybe involved beers and Downton Abbey marathons (cause I'm badass). Instead I got a sinus infection.

 Tuesday morning I rolled out of bed to drag my ass to work only to find my drivers seat suspiciously rolled back to a mans sitting length. I then also discovered that the back door was ajar and my ipod had been taken. 
Nothing says road trip like listening to... nothing. 

Wednesday night Emma and I were toughing out the week while watching Futurama when she started coughing. 

AAnnndd then she started coughing up foamy blobs. 

Suddenly there was blood. 

So I raced her to Indianapolis. My thought processes were comparable to flan; awkward and sort of wobbly. I lost it, broke down, and crashed on a friends couch. 

I picked up Emma and Justin Thursday afternoon.

It was a peaceful drive home. 

Until the car broke down.

But it's all good! 

The car's pretty done-zo, but that's whatever. 

Emma's getting better.

We are intrepid. We carry on. 

I AM GONNA GIVE A NOD TO MY GOOD FRIENDS ALVIN AND ERIN! Alvin was kind enough to be the generous friend with a comfy couch for my broken down ass to crash on. He and his long time girlfriend Erin are recently engaged! YAY! They're really good people folks.

If you remember in my last post I mentioned that Ravenwood would be using Swimminginjello designs for local cards and such. If you're looking for one keep your eyes peeled for this little dude! Spring is coming yo! 

 

NEWS!

AAAAYYYYY! 




WE'RE back! (for real)
AND WE HAVE NEWS! (no shit)

yours truly (kris) and my partner (justin) have agreed to a cooperative with a few local (bloomington) artists. swimminginjello will be the stamp on particular items, but for the meantime we will be selling designs under/with autumn carnival and ravenwood! 
if you would like a cheap card sized print stop into your nearest bloomingfoods and browse the card rack!

another note:

wedding plans are in the mix. more on that later. 

thank you for your ever enduring patience. 

here's a valentine for you losers. i love you all. 

this and that

hey folks. 
it's been a stupid busy summer, but i have some fixin to do on the site and then posts will come afterward including:
 -every place i peed my pants as a small child (requested)
 -another installment to the drunken debaucheries saga
 -a battle royale with the bloomington trash service
 -and a very scientific graph on the reproductive habits of the mess in my house 


sit tight guys. i promise i won't leave you high and dry. 

how many times

has this happened to you?