Tonight's post is a tribute to mother and the many similarities we now share.
Now I know all about the stereotypical: "OH MY GOD I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!! OH GAAAWWWDDDD!",
or the "My ass is starting to look like my mothers!"
which is not what I'm specifically getting at (though my ass is starting to look like my moms...)
Most day's I don't feel like I've done a good job of being a bat shit, crazy stray animal collecting citizen if I haven't contributed my daily dose of crazy to my co-workers and friends. Sometimes I get asked where I get my major characteristics.
Well here you go folks...
MOMMA KATHY: Park Ranger.
For every birthday the ladies of the Park Department have, they come up with a theme and run with it.
My mom's theme: Western Saloon Girls.
I shit you not.
My wily mom made a saloon dress and rocked a bright red wig while trouncing around town calling herself Fiona.
Mom, and roughly six other women, dressed in saloon costumes and went bar hopping.
There's a picture that wasn't supposed to get out. OOPS.
She's my hero.
I aspire to that greatness.
A few years ago I always wondered where my tendency to use expletives in abundance springs from.
Then, one magical night, I saw my mom totally drunk, and she drops curses like it's no ones business.
She's a wonderful mom, and I couldn't ask for a better one. She raised me to be a thoughtful and polite woman. I learned to stand firm in my beliefs and to work hard for what you want because single mom's don't have it easy.
I also learned just yesterday that in her opinion shower caps are one of the best things on the planet.
There was this one time when I was a kid I tried to hide my report card from her.... and that didn't work. At all.
I didn't know anyone who used advanced math in everyday situations, therefore it did not seem like a valuable skill to 11 year old Kris. So I stopped doing my math homework.
So Park Ranger comes home happy to get a fresh glass of tea, and asks "Hey honey how was your day? Did you get your report card?!"
And man when you get mom faced you know you're fucked.
I believe there is a direct correlation between how great your relationship with your mom is and how scared you get when you get mom faced.
It was crazy for me because here was this woman who just came home from cleaning other people's shit up because they didn't make it to the toilet, and then dragged road kill off the road to decompose peacefully in the woods; and I just pissed her off. BAD.
I ended up with a fitting punishment and NEVER got bad grades again.
LOVE YOU MOM!
