like the sands of time in an hourglass, the world turns.....

IT'S THE WEEKEND!
well at least it's sunday, and i'm a little late with this one. 


it's also laura's birthday today (happy 21st lady!)so we're having a shindig at our cozy shack later tonight.


this is the first weekend in an incredibly and pathetically long time that i'm involved in some shenanigans. 
my normal weekend:

everyone else i know: 

q: wanna go to a party?

a: yeah sure.

q: are we awesome?

a: yeah dude! 

q: where's kris?

a: i don't know. probably picking her butt or something.

BUT TODAY! my list of things to do:

1. eat

2. give chewy a bath

3. clean my wounds 

4. clean for the party

5. bogie down

two and three  aren't too hot, but i'm optimistic.

insert here.

me on a normal day:

fig 1

chill and up for adventure. (i'm pretty boss)

this is me today....

apparently i....

slept right on my face.

specifically my eyeball area. 

i'm not sure how this happened, or why my body sack betrayed me, but i have a migraine. my entire day has felt like every plot twist in fight club.

some people might think that's awesome; i might think punching some people in the face hole is awesome.

expanding horizons

i recently attended my friend jeff's grad party. it brought back the memories of how promising the future felt when you're fresh out of public schooling and heading toward college. leaving the nest and shopping for yourself. choosing classes to define what you do and what you aspire to be....
i want to punch the people who make college brochures.


i still don't know what i want to be "when i grow up" if that ever happens. 
literally and figuratively. i'm pretty short. 


there seemed to be promise in the field of ribbon dancing to me.

but considering that i'm about as athletic as a grizzly during hibernation season, that probably won't work out. 

i wanted to be a space ranger.

but again i'm about as weak as wet paper....

and freeze dried food tastes like pelican shit.

specifically i remember a speaker that was in my sixth grade english class. she went row by row asking every bright eyed student what they strived to be when they grow up.

then she got to me.

for the most part the answers were half pint dreams about being a nascar driver or marine biologist.

i answered "stay at home mom"

why?

cause i don't know what i want to do with my life and i'm good at cleaning. 

i now see the flaw in that plan.

kids are jerks. 

especially if they belong to you.

so because i don't want the rest of my life to be a mental break down, i came up with a list of things i could do.

given that the probability of most of these things are unrealistic, i'm pretty much back at square one.

BUT! if you check out my driving record, i could be one sweet stunt driver.

furry vengeance

all out war broke loose the other day. 
it began in a kitchen cabinet and soon spread through the house. 

there are two ferrets here. ily is crazy cute, adorably clumsy, and randomly craps in the corner. simon on the other hand attacks ily, chases chewy, and craps any where. 

at first i didn't know what the hell was on the floor; it turned out to be clumps of fur. 

simon had been leaving presents from the other animals.

chewy isn't really a victim in this given that she's about 500 pounds heavier than simon, and was recently found smacking the crap out of him and throwing him off the couch. 

what really disturbs me, besides her weirdly gray fuzzy butt, are her ninja skills. 

you know that creepy feeling you get when you feel eyes bore into the crevices of your soul. 

that's chewy....

at first you're like "awwww", but she does it a lot.

i think she knows truths that oprah doesn't even know.

sometimes i think she's trying to tell me something.

 

but maybe not. 

my awesome imagination

we made chicken last night. 

it was delicious. 

but more importantly my antics while i was sautéing the chicken reminded me of an extra credit project i concocted when i was a freshmen in high school.   

my biology class gave you the opportunity to opt out of the final exam if you had enough points. 
in a last ditch effort to make it to that coveted "super A" i made the worst super hero ever.

we had done a section about why everyone in medieval england died horrible deaths as a result of dysentery.

i'm a horrible person.

my poorly drawn comic did get me 80 points though.

i thought i was so cool. 

in reality i was a 15 year old high school kid who had just spent the last semester so steeped in homework and determined to get super A's i forgot what being social was, and subsequently how not to be awkward.

but man my GPA was awesome.

Teeth Sweaters

  i swear my legs are going to atrophy and fall off just to have something to do. 

this is a serious matter. atrophy is no joke. 

i've been living in bloomington for about two whole weeks now. (HOLY CANOLE) 

apparently no one needs a job or money or a life as there are no jobs to be found here. 

so while i have been job hunting like sarah palin hunts down the alaskan wildlife, i've been preoccupying myself by watching the household wildlife in their natural habitats. 

with every rage quit i half expect some amount of male dominate territorial marking, such as peeing on the xbox. 

at some points my housemates seem to loose touch with reality and stare gap mouthed while sargent pixel man gets blown to chunks by a mortar shell.

fig 1.

after about a week of this i have came to the realization that my own mediocre existence wasn't much further up the darwin scale when i began to turn photos into cartoons.

fig 2.

fig 3.

things start to be questionable when you picture yourself roving the japanese countryside snarling and frothing like a calvin and hobbs comic. 

(the handsome man with the antlers is my brother who made that his background after i sent him a delirious text containing that photo)

it could be worse. 

...