lions are dumb.

muthafuckin breadcrumbs.

sup guys. 

exciting things are afoot! spring has been bringing the promise of warmer weather. 

SHORTY JORTS 2013! whoop whoooopppp!

my buddy jeremy and i were talking about summer related things the other day. he mentioned that he and some friends went camping for spring break. camping in indiana for spring break is about as fulfilling as vacationing in kansas during tornado season. SO MANY THINGS GO WRONG. 

the weather was really nice at first but then a cold snap hit. jeremy told me a really great little story about farting in his sleeping bag all night to keep himself warm. 

it's not camping unless you fart your way to warmth!

later i was thinking about other summery things. one of my personal favorites is to open the windows at night and throw on a planet earth segment. 

after some intense yearnings to watch nature documentaries, i watched a short on the serengeti.

african plain animals are kinda awesome, and REALLY ugly. But something i really have come to note about myself is my growing dislike of lions. Male lions is particular. 

WHY THE HELL ARE THEY CALLED THE KING OF THE JUNGLE?!

they don't even live in the jungle. they live in prickly ass grass with flies swarming their drooling mouths.

and let's be honest... male lions are lazy as shit and have droopy balls.

so maybe you're all "well what is the king of the jungle, asshole?" cause you love lions, and that's dumb. 

I'LL TELL YOU! 

if you were going to make a giant ass deadly cat the "king" of the jungle it should be a tiger. at least they live in the jungle and are known for stealing children from their huts. 

but they're being hunted to near extinction which doesn't exactly scream ruler of all super dangerous and deadly animals. 

my vote for badass jungle animal is the elephant. 

you're probably like "kris, that's the dumbest shit i've ever read." 

but for real the elephant is badass. they have been used as vehicles of mass destruction in wars.

that shit is legit.

you know in a fight your war elephant would be all "fuck your arrows man imma crush the shit out of you!"

war tigers just maul their trainers just like a pissed off shamoo at sea world. some animals can't be trusted man. 

in all reality the real winner would be spiders. 

they're advancing. they eat birds now. 

 

Harshing My Mello.

There are people in this world who have a few bad days every once in a while...

I am not one of them. 

I understand that sometimes unjustifiably bad things happen just because fate decided it was your turn to be the pine scented urinal cake; but fate was a cruel, cheap, and dirty frat bro aiming straight for my little blue disk. 

I had just about one of the worst weeks I think I could have had last week. It was essentially as bad as being a middle aged man at a Justin Bieber concert; or really anyone at a Nickleback concert. 

Wonk. 

It started Monday when a nurse stabbed my vein while taking blood and bruised the hell out of my arm. Justin left town for a few days, and I was preparing for a week of bachelorette like antics that maybe involved beers and Downton Abbey marathons (cause I'm badass). Instead I got a sinus infection.

 Tuesday morning I rolled out of bed to drag my ass to work only to find my drivers seat suspiciously rolled back to a mans sitting length. I then also discovered that the back door was ajar and my ipod had been taken. 
Nothing says road trip like listening to... nothing. 

Wednesday night Emma and I were toughing out the week while watching Futurama when she started coughing. 

AAnnndd then she started coughing up foamy blobs. 

Suddenly there was blood. 

So I raced her to Indianapolis. My thought processes were comparable to flan; awkward and sort of wobbly. I lost it, broke down, and crashed on a friends couch. 

I picked up Emma and Justin Thursday afternoon.

It was a peaceful drive home. 

Until the car broke down.

But it's all good! 

The car's pretty done-zo, but that's whatever. 

Emma's getting better.

We are intrepid. We carry on. 

I AM GONNA GIVE A NOD TO MY GOOD FRIENDS ALVIN AND ERIN! Alvin was kind enough to be the generous friend with a comfy couch for my broken down ass to crash on. He and his long time girlfriend Erin are recently engaged! YAY! They're really good people folks.

If you remember in my last post I mentioned that Ravenwood would be using Swimminginjello designs for local cards and such. If you're looking for one keep your eyes peeled for this little dude! Spring is coming yo!