lions are dumb.

muthafuckin breadcrumbs.

sup guys. 

exciting things are afoot! spring has been bringing the promise of warmer weather. 

SHORTY JORTS 2013! whoop whoooopppp!

my buddy jeremy and i were talking about summer related things the other day. he mentioned that he and some friends went camping for spring break. camping in indiana for spring break is about as fulfilling as vacationing in kansas during tornado season. SO MANY THINGS GO WRONG. 

the weather was really nice at first but then a cold snap hit. jeremy told me a really great little story about farting in his sleeping bag all night to keep himself warm. 

it's not camping unless you fart your way to warmth!

later i was thinking about other summery things. one of my personal favorites is to open the windows at night and throw on a planet earth segment. 

after some intense yearnings to watch nature documentaries, i watched a short on the serengeti.

african plain animals are kinda awesome, and REALLY ugly. But something i really have come to note about myself is my growing dislike of lions. Male lions is particular. 

WHY THE HELL ARE THEY CALLED THE KING OF THE JUNGLE?!

they don't even live in the jungle. they live in prickly ass grass with flies swarming their drooling mouths.

and let's be honest... male lions are lazy as shit and have droopy balls.

so maybe you're all "well what is the king of the jungle, asshole?" cause you love lions, and that's dumb. 

I'LL TELL YOU! 

if you were going to make a giant ass deadly cat the "king" of the jungle it should be a tiger. at least they live in the jungle and are known for stealing children from their huts. 

but they're being hunted to near extinction which doesn't exactly scream ruler of all super dangerous and deadly animals. 

my vote for badass jungle animal is the elephant. 

you're probably like "kris, that's the dumbest shit i've ever read." 

but for real the elephant is badass. they have been used as vehicles of mass destruction in wars.

that shit is legit.

you know in a fight your war elephant would be all "fuck your arrows man imma crush the shit out of you!"

war tigers just maul their trainers just like a pissed off shamoo at sea world. some animals can't be trusted man. 

in all reality the real winner would be spiders. 

they're advancing. they eat birds now.