list week day 5: THE ADVENTURES OF MERSHAN AND KRIS (undetermined species)

today's theme as per requested:

THE ADVENTURES OF MERSHAN AND KRIS! 

i created a doodle based off of the amazing adventures my good buddy shan and i had when i lived in lafayette. 

hold onto your butts!

fig 1.

mershan and kris take down corporate america!

we worked at barnes and noble for 3 years. we weren't allowed to work together for the last 8 months of that. apparently making whip cream pictures on the counter is looked down upon.

fig 2.

mershan and kris go to the petting zoo!

we went to the petting zoo with our friend spencer. turns out goats don't like us and spencer is ridiculously good at getting in goats faces to get comical and slightly scary photos of them.

fig 3.

mershan and kris learn about recycling! guest starring nick storey!

we had extra foil and an afternoon of shear time to waste. storey made claws and stomped around growling. it was great. 

fig 4.

mershan and kris learn about gravity!

we went camping and drank apple pucker lemonade. shan then shoved me off the picnic table on accident. lessons in gravity are never more fun than when you can't feel the pain, and you're too gone to get up.

well there are two more days of list week left. if you want to see something tell me and i will make it happen!

day 5: top five foods that i ruined for myself.

LIST WEEK! day 5. yeah.

tonight's theme is! : foods that i have ruined for myself. 

fig. 1 

slim jims. not only are they a horrible torture device that can be used as the most merciless whip known to man, they are usually great tasting sticks of imitation beef. i once ate a whole canister of slim jims in half an hour. that averages out to be about regular sized slim jim for every 1.4 minutes. this ensued:

fig 2.

honey. i recently regained my ability to eat this again, but only with peanut butter. i once ate a jar of raw honey over the course of a day or so. this ensued: 

fig 3. 

grilled cheese sandwiches. my mom used to make me eat them with a glass of milk when i was a kid. i hate american cheese. it's not even real cheese. 

this happened:

fig 4.

kentucky fried chicken. this fast food chain single handedly ruined friend chicken for me. i got food poisoning. 

maybe this one wasn't my fault....

fig 5. 

cool whip/ marshmallow fluff. i became obsessed with the gooey white majesty of marshmallow fluff and ate nothing but cans of it for an entire weekend. this happened:

moral of the story:

don't be a glutton. you will barf.

well if you guys have anything you're dyeing to see, let me know.  

day 4: up shit creek

hey folks. list week carries on with today's installment:

up shit creek without a paddle!!!

fig 1.

life really sucks when you realize you don't have food, and you've been living off mc d's and ramen cups. nothing says "i'm mega poor, and i can't cook for shit!" like looking in the fridge and seeing nothing but condiments and a moldy melon that you had the intentions of enjoying last month. 

fig 2.

yeah no one's gonna help you in this situation.

it never fails that you run out of tp the day that you forgot to look, and you're wearing white underwear. Nothing's gonna get that skid mark out.

tp is a really wonderful thing, and funnily enough something that seems to get forgotten a lot on camping trips....

fig 3. 

SURPRISE!! you forgot the sunscreen again!!! 

nothing is quite as exciting as peeling chunks of your skin off like you've suddenly morphed into a snake person capable of mass molting. it doesn't help when you go out and people don't want you to get close because you might flake on them. 

that moment should be used as a weapon of mass disturbance. start getting uncomfortably close to those people and itch wildly.

fig 4.

you passed out with your shoes on, and your friends are assholes. 

but hey, you're the one who's gonna have the best barf interrupted dreams ever. 

fig 5.

you just took a glorious shower, but then discovered you were wearing your last pair of clean underwear. 

man that sucks; cause you hooked up with that girl before you passed out at that party where there wasn't any toilet paper, and before that you got your butt burnt at the beach cause you forgot sunscreen. not to mention the only thing you've eaten was that brick of velveta cheese, which you hurled all over tom's couch. 

man you week blows.

well guys, there are a few more day's of list week left. if you have a great idea for a theme/ topic, or if you really want something illustrated let me know and i'll make it happen!

today's lucky winner!!!!! : CALVIN!

and there is a fan page for swimminginjello on facebook. check it out turkeys. 

list week day 3: why we're all bad people

as requested; today's theme:

things that are funny, but make you a bad person for laughing at. 

fig. 1

people with tourettes. 

tourettes guy is probably the summation of all things tourettes possible. this guy had seizures and ended up being the victim of a fatal car crash, but nothing beats yelling "FUCK SALT!"   

fig. 2

when deaf people, or even hearing impaired people, try to talk. it either doesn't make sense, or is so incredibly loud you don't want to acknowledge that you heard it. 

fig 3.

injured or old people falling. 

america's funniest home videos and robot chicken exploit this on a daily basis. 

fig 4.

bodily functions!

nuf said.

again if you guys have any requests for tomorrow's theme, or if there was something that you really wanted to see up here, let me know and i'll make it happen. 

LIST WEEK! holy cow

and tonight's theme:

things that were fun as a kid, and still are! (well for the most part)

there are a handful of things that were rad as a kid, and have retained their awesome even as a cynicle adult.

fig. 1

moon bounces, or a ball pit, which ever one you want. (they're pretty interchangeable)

there's nothing like kicking your shoes off and crawling into one of these feet stanky bad boys. there are really only three draw backs to these.

1. if you chose the moon bounce, you usually get socked in the face somehow. 

2. also the kid/adult/person/thing that mauled your face is that jerk that thinks doing a flip won't result in falling right on your left kidney.

3. if you chose ball pit, someone may have pissed in the balls...

fig.2

trampolines. more specifically the horrible things you can do to your friends; like rocketing them into the stratosphere. double bouncing is terrifying, dangerous, and awesome... until you land on the ground just to the right of the trampoline. 

fig. 3

disney movies!

they're stereotypical, and riddled with adult humor that no one ever caught as a kid. 

ever notice how every plot consists of someone being lost in someway (figuratively or literally). 

aristocats- lost: literally

every toy story- lost: literally

little mermaid-  lost: figuratively

finding nemo- it's in the title

fig 4.

junk food rules. if it has fats, it tastes delicious, no matter how old you get. the only difference between being a kid and eating junk food, and being an adult and eating junk food, is that as an adult you eat the junk food to survive because you're too broke to afford anything else. 

if you have any suggestions for tomorrow's theme, or if there are more awesome kid things that i neglected, feel free to leave a comment. 

LIST BONANZA!

hey guys!
i'm back from the holiday (and subsequent week or two of being a lazy jerk)


i felt that this week should be all inclusive, and user friendly, so i bring you list week! 
each day will have a new theme, to which a list of things will pertain. 

today's theme:


things that make foul language spew forth from your mouth.


i came up with a few that i think are valid.


fig. 1

game raging (or quitting) is a frequent cause of potty mouthed afternoons/evenings/late nights/early mornings in our humble abode. these events often result in word mashes that man kind has never conceived, and the tossing of a controller. 

as i can't play video games for my life, i gamer rage by sympathizing with the loser and throwing my chips. 

fig. 2

road rage is probably the most common form of public profanity, this being because the windows are probably down and you're gesturing with certain fingers. 

any sort of car mind fuck can really fall under this category as they seem to always strike when you're most vulnerable; you have to pee and it's raining. 

fig. 3

scary movies. this is probably only for me, and all my close friends can testify that there is no other time than scary movie time when more unsuitable for television sentences gush from my screaming mouth. i'm that chick that's in the corner of the movie theater screeching "run bitch!!!! run!"

these are my favorite examples anyway. if you have any suggestions for amazingly profane moments, or would like to suggest a theme, feel free to send a comment my way. 

   

my immune system is worthless

i woke up the other day and noticed there was a disturbance in the force.

at least i thought i just had allergies. i apparently had a concerned look on my face, so justin asked if i was ok. 

"yeah i my lymph nodes are bein dumb"

boy was i wrong.

approximately 36 hours later i was talking like a bayou troller who's tongue had somehow been taken in a bar fight. 

my throat began to swell so bad i couldn't hardly breath. i sounded just like that kid from "hey arnold" that creeped on helga. 

you know that kid. 

i started to look pretty haggard. 

my fever began to spike, but it was so damn hot in the house i just thought i was sweating from the crappy blinding day outside. (yay indiana)

but again i was wrong.

all i wanted was jello. 

that's when i knew something had gone terribly wrong. 

my mom used to make me apricot jello eggs when i was sick. 

apparently i couldn't handle jello cubes or something, but egg shaped things are way cooler than cubes any day.

i took advil like a fiend, which lulled me into a disillusioned state of well being. 

it didn't last very long...

since i just moved, i had no idea where the urgent care was here. 

i thought i would be clever and get the address from google, but the gps thought otherwise.

the damn thing took me to a tire barn. 

i started the journey doing ok. 

then the gps thought it would be funny to take me down a series of winding roads and long stretches of construction where the glorious people of this town must go into fits of road rage frenzies and forget all laws of the road. 

i sat in a parking lot next to a nail salon and a mexican restaurant trying to explain to justin and nate that i had not and could not find the clinic because i was hopelessly lost. 

justin:"hey what's up? did you find the clinic?"

me: "the jeepehesh thookh meh to phep bosh!!!!"

justin: "what?"

me: "i'm lhoosht!!! the jeepehesh thookh meh to pep boiish!!"

i eventually found the clinic while heading back. it was about a mile down the road on the opposite side.

upon getting there i was told by 2 nurses and the doctor that i had some of the worst strep throat swelling they have seen so far. this soon led to the doctor telling me i was about to get a steroid shot....

it just so happens steroid shots get squeezed into your body with a larger than normal needle in a nice tender spot on your lower back/upper butt cheek. 

my butt still hurts.

so i got my litany of medications and drove like a pissed off jersey girl back to the house.

we watched skins all night. 

it's like degrassi, but cool.

tony got hit by a bus and i cheered cause he was a jackass.